In the first “Weekend Update” of Season 52 of “Saturday Night Live,” Jeremy Culhane revived his fan-favorite Tucker Carlson impression to offer his thoughts on some of the biggest blockbusters of the summer.
In “The Odyssey,” Carlson talked about Imax 70mm’s proprietary format, saying: “It shoots Hollywood mob shit in millimeters, or as I like to call it, gay inches.” He added: “I love ‘Odyssey.’ It’s nice to see Greek people doing something other than harassing women.”
Carlson then turned his attention to the biggest movie of the year, saying: “Everybody loves ‘Spider-Man: All-New Sex.’
“That’s not what it’s called,” claimed Colin Jost, but the conservative commentator was already inventing a theme song: “Spider-Ems use whatever bathhouse feels like.”
Carlson later congratulated the film’s stars on getting married, but stopped himself and said: “I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. – huh? She refused to take his last name.”
When Jost reminded him that Zendaya “doesn’t have a last name,” Carlson replied, “But where did she go? And who took it? And why? Sorry guys, you can’t get two names anymore. You only get one, like dog. That’s the rule. That’s the goal now.”
When asked about “obsession,” Carlson said, “The left’s idea of a horror movie; a woman being forced to love a man. Oh, no, help! I’m being chased by a heterosexual relationship! Is that what we want? I don’t. Right? You shouldn’t. But you do. Why? Is it allowed? Maybe.”
Carlson went on to equate “Minions and Monsters” with “Trump’s cabinet” and then deadpanned: “That’s right. I turned my back on Trump. I’m very brave.”
And finally, the expert made a dirty “Toy Story 5” joke. “Is there a friend in me?” Carlson asked. “So is his name Woody?”
Culhane performed his Carlson impression on Season 51 of “SNL” and reprized the character on “Weekend Update.” This marks the character’s third appearance. Watch the episode below.